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Sunday, September 18, 2011

Sock gnomes

I am starting to think that every residence I have ever inhabited has been infested with sock gnomes. No, not just sock gnomes. Sock, underwear, ear plug, and colorful foamy balls that come in packs of four from PetCo gnomes. I can only assume that these gnomes require these four items for their survival.


We have all come to accept the fact that things like toilet paper and food run out, and that unless we want to wipe our asses with xerox paper and continually open the fridge hoping that maybe this time there will be something in there, these things need to be replaced. There is however a difference between things that run out, and things that wear out.


Socks get thinner and thinner until eventually our heels and toes break start peaking through. The elastic in that cute lace thong you spent too much money for at Victoria’s Secret starts wearing out or god forbid snaps one drunk night. Your ear plugs get oogie from, well… they live in your ears. Does it really need explanation? No. As for the foamy balls, after time tiny razor kitty teeth will turn each one into a sad, malformed version of their former-selves. But these things are NOT supposed to run out. Those awesome Halloween socks can still be worn even if there might be a hole or two.


So someone, please explain to me, how these four items have found themselves in the category of items that run out. Where are my odd socks and underwear going?! Are the ear plugs melting into my brain in my sleep?!?? Is my cat eating her toys? I have searched the apartment. I don’t understand.


I think the safest assumption is gnomes.

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